


Ugh (An Egos Chatfic)

by Calibrated_Songbirb, queenofpranking



Category: jacksepticeye, markiplier - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Genderfluid Character, Genderfluid Yandereplier, M/M, Memes, Multi, Texting, chatfic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-27
Updated: 2018-05-23
Packaged: 2019-03-09 23:20:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13491945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Calibrated_Songbirb/pseuds/Calibrated_Songbirb, https://archiveofourown.org/users/queenofpranking/pseuds/queenofpranking
Summary: So, this is my first time writing a chatfic, I hope I'm doing alright! I'm not sure how often this will be updated, so updates wiil probably be a bit sporadic.





	1. The Start of Something...Okay?

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is my first time writing a chatfic, I hope I'm doing alright! I'm not sure how often this will be updated, so updates wiil probably be a bit sporadic.

  
_REALjournalism started a groupchat_

_REALjournalism changed the groupchat name to Egos_

_REALjournalism added itsdarkinhere_

_REALjournalism heyimjim_

_REALjournalism added IMALSOJIM_

_REALjournalism added thetrimmer_

_REALjournalism added GotSenpai?_

_REALjournalism added SHUTUPNURSE_

_REALjournalism added GoogleIt_

_REALjournalism added BingToRing_

_REALjournalism changed BingToRing's nickname to Bouncingbingyboi_

_REALjournalism added ICANTSEEohwaitimblind_

_REALjournalism added GlitchBitch_

_REALjournalism changed GlitchBitch's nickname to ItsNotAPhaseMom_

_REALjournalism added themanbehindthemask_

_REALjournalism added Zegooddoctor_

_REALjournalism changed Zegooddoctor's nickname to Zehgooddohctor_

_REALjournalism added thedeservesthisherocities_

_REALjournalism added howBROcanyougo_

_5 online, 10 idle_

**ItsNotAPhaseMom:** Fuck u, Wilford.

 **Bouncingbingyboi:** wait y'd u change my name?

 **REALjournalism:** because I was not about to let you have such an awful name in my group chat.

 **Zehgooddoctor:** Okay, but why did you change mine? What's with the extra h's?

 **REALjournalism:** Gotta really capture the accent.

_ItsNotAPhaseMom changed their nickname to Anti_

**Bouncingbingyboi:** what r u anti to?

**Anti: Yep**

**itsdarkinhere:** Why is nobody asking the real question here: Wilford, why did you make a groupchat?

 **REALjournalism:** Because we're all friends but we never talk much outside of school.

 **Bouncingbingyboi:** me and google talk all the time.

 **itsdarkinhere:** So do Yan and I.

 **REALjournalism:** I meant those of us who aren't related.

 **Anti:**  Flinn crashes at my place all the time.

 **REALjournalism:**  Alright, alright,  _OKAY_ _._ You all knew what I meant.

 **REALjournalism:** We really should be closer as a friend group.

 **REALjournalism:** Also, Darce, do you have the work that we did in MR. Smii7y's class?

 **itsdarkinhere:** I knew you had some ulterior motive.

 **REALjournalism:** oh,  _please_ , if I needed it that badly I could have just texted him.

 **Anti:**  yeah, yeah, anyway, the problem on the board was: "If Tommy yeets himself off of a building that is 70 stories high, and he's falling at a rate of 50 mph, how long will it take for him to spelt on the ground?"

 **itsdarkinhere:** For fuck's  _sake!_

 **Zehgooddohctor:** 12.63 minutes, rounded to the nearest hundredth.

 **Bouncingbingyboi:** gdi u beat me 2 it

 **Anti:**  and we did some shit out of the packet. Page 19, I think.

 **REALjournalism:** Thank you, Herr Doktor!

 **Zehgooddohctor:** Since when do you know German, Wilford?

 **REALjournalism:**  Since just now.

 **itsdarkinhere:** He looked it up.

 **REALjournalism:**  I've had about enough of you, Damien!

 **REALjournalism:**  Mr. "Student Body President!"

 **REALjournalism:** I don't need to take this!

_REALjournalism went offline_

**itsdarkinhere:** Drama queen.

_itsdarkinhere became idle_

_Anti became idle_

_Bouncingbingyboi became idle_

_Zehgooddohctor became idle_

_2 online, 12 idle_

**IMALSOJIM:** Hey Jim look were part of a groupchat!

 **heyimjim:** yeah, but I think we missed everybody jim

 **IMALSOJIM:** Aw man I think you're right Jim.

 **heyimjim:** :(

 **IMALSOJIM:** :(((

_heyimjim became idle_

_IMALSOJIM became idle_

**thetrimmer:** Wait, what's happening, what'd I miss?


	2. What Did You Do?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, this will mark the beginning of actual possible story arcs, so that's cool. Cool stuff. Sorry, I suck at these summary things. I might end up not doing them in the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is my first time writing a chatfic, I hope I'm doing alright! I'm not sure how often this will be updated, so updates wiil probably be a bit sporadic.
> 
> On a good note, just because I wanted to (and because it might help with ideas and motivation) I have started an ask blog for the boys in the fic, it can be found here: ask-highschool-egos.tumblr.com  
> So if you want, go head over and ask some questions, because why not?

_3 online, 2 idle_

**itsdarkinhere:** Wil...Alex...Why am I being told that both of you were suspended?

 **GotSenpai?:** My dear brother, whatever do you mean?

 **REALjournalism:** yeah, Damien, my friend, I have no idea what you're talking about.

 **itsdarkinhere:** Look you two, I'm not stupid. I'm student council president, I work very close with the principal himself. I was just dragged out of a meeting with the rest of the student council because some random office aide needed to jog over and tell me that one of my friends since childhood and sibling have been suspended and they're lucky that they weren't expelled but they wont tell me why they because, in their words, "It'd be better to hear it from them." And so I ask again, would one of you two like to tell me why you got suspended?

 **GotSenpai?:** Nothing!

 **REALjournalism:** yeah! I didn't do anything...that wasn't necessary at least...

_thetrimmer is now online_

**thetrimmer:** HOLY SHIT, YAN, WARF, YOU FUCKED THOSE TWO UP! I DIDN'T KNOW YOU COULD DO THAT WITH A SPOON!

 **GotSenpai?:** BIM

 **REALjournalism:**   _BIM_

 **itsdarkinhere:** ...Do what with a spoon exactly?

 **REALjournalism:** ...

 **GotSenpai?:** ...

 **itsdarkinhere:** Do  _what_ with a spoon exactly?

 **GotSenpai?:** Nothing!

 **REALjournalism:** I did something pretty fucking bad, so...

 **thetrimmer:** YAN! THAT CHICK IS GOING TO THE HOSPITAL!

 **GotSenpai?:** _GOOD_

 **GotSenpai?:** MAYBE THAT BITCH WILL LEARN TO FUCKING STAY AWAY

 **itsdarkinhere:** ...Alex, was this another "Senpai incident?"

 **GotSenpai?:** ...No...

 **itsdarkinhere:** ...Whatever

 **itsdarkinhere:** Wil, what did you do?

 **REALjournalism:** I told you! Nothing that wasn't required!

 **itsdarkinhere:** By which you mean you attacked the same girl with a spoon?

 **REALjournalism:** No! How dare you! I attacked someone else and we just happened to do it on the same day!

 **itsdarkinhere:** ...*sigh* Okay, you know what, I don't care.

 **REALjournalism:** I had to protect my honor, Dames! She called me a sham!

 **itsdarkinhere:** WHATEVER. Either way, you're both suspended for two weeks. 

 **REALjournalism:** Wait, you mean...

 **GotSenpai?:** I he think does...

 **REALjournalism:** NO

 **GotSenpai?:** SCHOOL

 **itsdarkinhere:** I'm still going to be bringing you your school work. I'm not letting either of you two flunk out.

 **itsdarkinhere:** Not to mention, Alex, Mark and Amy are going to be furious.

 **GotSenpai?:** Oh, right...I forgot about Mom-chan and Dad-san...

 **itsdarkinhere:** Perhaps you should consider that next time you want to put someone in the hospital.

 **GotSenpai?:**   _sigh_

 **itsdarkinhere:** Think next time.

 **REALjournalism:** i'm sure _I'll_ be fine _._

 **thetrimmer:** But don't you prsctically live at their place, Wil?

 **REALjournalism:** may-be so, but Mark and Amy are  _not_ my parents, so there.

 **itsdarkinhere:** I'm sure you're parents have already been told, Wil, don't worry.

 **REALjournalism:** ...yeah, speaking of which, I think my parents just pulled up to pick me up so I'm gonna get off for a while. talk to you guys then.

_REALjournalism has gone offline_

**itsdarkinhere:** You two get off your phones, too. Alex, you may not have class anymore but you're probably still sitting in the office, so just get off until Mark and Amy show up to pick you up. And Bim, you're literally in the middle of class, get off your phone before you get in trouble as well. I have to get back to the meeting. Perhaps we will all speak later.

 **thetrimmer:** That's a good point. Off to go scout out more news before Visual arts class! HaHA!

_1 online, 4 idle_

**Googleit:** Did you guys know that:

 **1.**  Most toilets flush in E flat.

 **2.**  A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.

 **3.**  Cap’n Crunch’s full name is Horatio Magellan Crunch.

 **4.**  The Vatican City is the country that drinks the most wine per capita at 74 liters per citizen per year.

 **5.**  Approximately 40,000 Americans are injured by toilets each year.

 **6.**  If a female ferret does not have sex for a year, she will die.

 **7.**  Ketchup was sold in the 1830s as medicine.

 **8.**  “Almost” is the longest word in English with all the letters in alphabetical order.

 **Googleit:** Aren't those all just fascinating?

_themanbehindthemask is no longer idle_

**themanbehindthemask:** Google, man, seriously, do you ever sleep? It's three in the morning. I just rolled over in bed after your message woke me up to find this. You really need to stop doing this. Also, the ferret one is kind of sad. Go to bed, Google, we have school in a few hours.

 **GoogleIt:**   Alright, good night, Marvin.

 **themanbehindthemask:**  goood night, Google.

_themanbehindthemask has gone offline_

_GoogleIt has become idle_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally finished another chapter! Hoowee! Hopefully the next one wont take as long, the next one is supposed to just be a short PM log anyway, then we can get back to the big interactions maybe. Anyway, hope you enjoyed this chapter! See you next one!  
> -CSB


	3. Sick Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anti and Host talk after school and we see a little spark of a possible little something...?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is my first time writing a chatfic, I hope I'm doing alright! I'm not sure how often this will be updated, so updates will probably be a bit sporadic.
> 
> On a good note, just because I wanted to (and because it might help with ideas and motivation) I have started an ask blog for the boys in the fic, it can be found here: ask-highschool-egos.tumblr.com  
> So if you want, go head over and ask some questions, because why not?

_You're in a private chat with ICANTSEEohwaitimblind_

**Anti:** OHMYGODIMSOSORRY

  
**ICANTSEEohwaitimblind:**   What're you talking about?

 **Anti:** I WAS SICK ALL DAY AND I WASN'T AT SCHOOL AND I COULDN'T HELP YOU WITH ANYTHING FFCHWXWHXFQJLKFEMERGH;ERCA3ME

 **ICANTSEEohwaitimblind:**   Okay, first of all, please never slam on your keyboard like that again, I had to sit here for a solid 30 seconds while my text-to-speak had a stroke. Second of all, I can do things on my own, you know. I'm blind, not missing limbs.

 **Anti:** Yeah, but I always help you with your books, and what about the stuff on the board?

 **ICANTSEEohwaitimblind:**   Flinn and Bing more than happy to help me with my books and I just asked the teachers to read the stuff from the board an extra time. It wasn't really that big of a deal. Besides, you were sick, There really wasn't much you could do, right?

 **Anti:** Yes, I guess, so...

 **ICANTSEEohwaitimblind:**   Well, stupid question, but did you do anything while you were sick?

 **Anti:** Other than dealing with Schneep and Iplier trying to armchair diagnose me through text?

 **Anti:** I spent most of the day on the couch, to be honest. Kinda know how Flinn feel now, I guess.

 **Anti:** OH I did spend a while looking out the window, though.

 **Anti:** And you'll never guess what I saw.  
  
**ICANTSEEohwaitimblind:**   What did you see?  
  
**Anti:** Ducklings.  
  
**ICANTSEEohwaitimblind:**   DUCKLINGS!?  
  
**Anti:** Yep. I was looking out the window and you know how it's been raining a lot lately, so I was just kinda watching cars go by and then a mama duck and like seven ducklings crossed the street right in front of the house.  
  
**ICANTSEEohwaitimblind:**   AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH 

 **ICANTSEEohwaitimblind:**   I wish I could've been there! 

 **Anti:** You were at school.

 **Anti:** It would've meant you skipping school, which we both know you're too much of a goody-two-shoes to do.  
  
**ICANTSEEohwaitimblind:**  Hey! I-  
  
**ICANTSEEohwaitimblind:**   Nevermind, you're right.   
  
**ICANTSEEohwaitimblind:**   Hey, I have to go, it's dinner time and you know how my dad gets if I take too long.  
  
**Anti:** Man, I hate that guy.

 **ICANTSEEohwaitimblind:**   I know, I know. I'll be back in a little while.

 **Anti:** Alright, see you then, babe.  
  
**ICANTSEEohwaitimblind:** See you.  


_ICANTSEEohwaitimblind went idle_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY AN UPDATE. I am so sorry for delay on this chapter, I have had such an awful time between work and writer's block and A03 randomly refreshing. But here it is! *phew ^-^* We'll be back to another group chat chapter after this, and I'm not sure what's going to be in it, probably some bored Alex and Wil shenanigans. I hope you liked this chapter, though.


	4. Wilford's Wonderful Adventures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On his last day of school suspension, Wil has one hell of a day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is my first time writing a chatfic, I hope I'm doing alright! I'm not sure how often this will be updated, so updates wiil probably be a bit sporadic.
> 
> On a good note, just because I wanted to (and because it might help with ideas and motivation) I have started an ask blog for the boys in the fic, it can be found here: ask-highschool-egos.tumblr.com  
> So if you want, go head over and ask some questions, because why not?

_1 online, 1 idle, 13 offline_

  
**REALjournalism:** Guys

  
**REALjournalism:** GUys

  
**REALjournalism:** Guys, I'm bored.

  
**REALjournalism:** It's been a week.

  
**REALjournalism:** The boredom hasnt stopped.

  
**REALjournalism:** GUys

  
**REALjournalism:** Guys please.

  
**REALjournalism:** Alex, I can see your idle ass.

  
**REALjournalism:** Really, anybody would be welcome to talk to.

  
**REALjournalism:** PLEASE  
  
Wil sighed, dropping his phone onto his bed and rolling onto his back. Why was it all so boring? How was being home somehow worse than being at school? The boy rolled over, clicking off his speaker, successfully silencing 2D from proclaiming about the future and it's coming on and such. There clearly wasn't anything to do here. There never was. He slid his way off of his bed, slipping his phone into his pocket before stepping out of his rooming, listening intently and quickly looking both ways before making a break for the front door, slipping it open, sliding through and quietly closing it behind him before sprinting in the direction of Alex's house. Let's see them ignore him when he's right fucking there.

It was Friday afternoon. Alex was laying on their bed, tossing a ball into the air and catching it. All of a sudden, a body climbs through the window.  
"ALEX, YOU HAVE **NO** IDEA HOW _BORED_ I AM!" the figure screamed, standing up to show that it was Wil.

  
"Wil, you've come through my window since we've been suspended, I think I'm starting to get the idea." They said, sitting up to look at their friend.

"Well...yeah...BUT STILL! Why don't we go and do something fun!?" Wil said, perking up, reminding Alex of Chica when she sees Dad-san.

"Alright, I don't see why not." They get up, kick Wil out of their room, and get dressed. When they come out in a light grey sweater and navy leggings, Wil whistled, saying,

"Don't you look _lovely_ today, Alex! Which pronouns today?"

"She/her, if you will."

"Alright then."

They walked around that day, first they sat at the park on the swings for what seemed like hours and talked about everything from their week and how bored they are, to their crushes, though no matter how hard they tried, Alex couldn't get the name of Wil's crush out of him. Afterwards, they walked around the mall for a bit, where Alex found a few shirts and a dress they ended up buying and Wil got them kicked out of JCPenny because of walking into the women's changing room on a dare. They attempted to see Avengers: Infinity Wars, but it was sold out and the rest seemed, in Wil's words, "as boring as watching paint dry...or Bim's broadcasts." So they decided to walk around town and be assholes, but ended up running back to Alex's house after they accidentally opened the gate holding a vicious Chihuahua, who chased them for three blocks.  
"W-We...made...it." Alex huffed out, leaning against Wil, both of them holding a stitch in their sides.

Wil slid down the wall he was leaning against, his back against it and taking Alex with him, sinking down until his elbows rested against his knees, his breath still heavy.

  
"Hey," he puffed, "What time is it?"

  
Alex slipped their phone out of their pocket, checking the time.  
"3:05. Everyone should be getting home soon."

  
"And Damien still drives, right?"

  
"Yeah, why?"

 

"Because I have an idea. Does Damien still keep him room locked?"

 

"Yeah, ever since I lifted one of his suits for a dance. He's been pretty adamant about nobody getting in."

 

"But you can get me in?"

 

"Well, duh. Who do you think I am, some amateur?"

 

"Fantastic. And Mom and Dad wont have an issue with me being over for a while?"

 

"Well, I mean, we are kind of suspended, but Mom-chan and Dad-san love you, so probably not."

 

"Great. So here's the plan..."

~ ~ ~

Damien walked through the door.

  
"I'm home." He yelled into the house, hearing faintly Alex greeting him. We walked up the stairs and opened the door to find Wil in his usual clothing except that he's wearing one of Alex's skirts.

"Well, _hello_ there." Wil said, trying to sound seductive, Damien could tell, but he sounded funny.

 

"...How the hell did you get in my room."

 

"That, my friend, is a secret."

  
Damien sighed, setting his bag down. "Alex?"

 

"Alex."

 

"Damn it. Now I have to change the lock again."

 

"Seems that way. Now, come embrace me my sweet."

 

"How about first off, no, and second off, I'm not your sweet, you goof."

 

Wil scoffed. "This may have been a gaff, a goof, but I am offended by your reaction nontheless."

 

"Uh, huh. You staying for dinner or what?"

 

Wil sat up, smoothing the skirt down. "That depends, what's Mom making?"

 

"Amy's tired so I'm making dinner tonight. We're having chicken nuggets and tater tots."

 

There was a thump from the next room over and Alex peaked their head around the door frame, their forehead already turning red. "Did someone say chimken nuggers and tatter toots?"

 

"Wow. I call you from here to bring me a tissue or something and you can't hear me but I mention dinner..." Damien sighed once more. "Yes. Now would you please go preheat the ovens?"

 

Alex grinned. "Absolutely."

 

Wil shot off the bed. "I'll get plates out!"

 

Damien smiled. "Alright, guys, have at."

 

~ ~ ~

 

"Well, now what?"

 

After being kicked from Damien and Alex's house due to it getting late Wil just sort of stood there for a moment. What to do now? Tonight was his last night of "freedom" and he definitely wasn't going home yet.  
After arguing with himself for a moment, he decided to just walk. And he did, not really caring where he went. after a a few minutes or so of staring at his feet while he walked, he looked up when he saw lights, and a lot of them, still on on the place to his right. Once the initial blindness from the lights faded, he could make out the city theater and on the marquee he could make out "YT High School Presents: Guys and Dolls" followed directly below it by "Auditions STILL open." Wil loved theater. He loved to act, and everyone always calling him a drama king came as a compliment. He hadn't been in anything since the Rocky floor show last year, so it was definitely time for him to stretch his theatrical wings once more. He stepped to the door and with a deep breath stepped inside.

 

Wil walked into the theater, looking around before he heard a loud voice.

 

"HALT! Who goes there!?"

 

"Uh, Wil. Wilford Warfstache. I'm here for the Guys and Dolls auditions?"

 

A head pops out from the seat in front of him.

 

"Oh lovely! My name is Roman Sanders, and over there are my brothers Virgil," he points to boy wearing all black and some nice eyeshadow, who stared at him in suspicion,

 

"Patton," a boy wearing a blue polo and cat leggings, who waved enthusiastically, calling out a happy greeting, "and Logan!" a boy with a professional air about him, wearing a tie and slacks, who gave him a nod.

 

"Whoa, you guys have the same face. Are you all quadruplets?" Wil asked.

 

"Why yes! Patton is the oldest, then Logan, myself, and Virgil is the baby!" Roman said happily, but then turned when someone else cleared their throat. The man (for he was no boy) in question was wearing something that matched Wil's outfit, but in darker tones.

 

"Hello, my name is Jameson Jackson. Call me James. It's nice to meet you." He said, his voice deeper than expected. He reached out his hand in greeting.

 

"Um...you as well..." Wil said, clasping the hand. He was surprised when James turned his hand over and placed a kiss on it.

 

Roman cleared his throat. "Yes, yes, now that we have introductions all out of the way, let's see if you have what it takes, Mr. Warfstache!"

 

~ ~ ~

 

After the audition, where Wil got a part on the spot after everyone listened to Roman yelling about the audacity of no one plucking Wil up when they got the chance, Wil went to walk out, but got stopped by James.

  
"You have a lovely voice. Can't wait to hear more of it." He said, making Wil blush. He pulled out a pen and wrote something on Wil's hand, and left, winking as he turned the corner. Wil looked down and saw what it was: a phone number. _Jameson's_ phone number. Wil quickly whipped out his phone, and started typing.

**REALjournalism:** You guys are never going to believe what happened to me today.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here's our first classic-style story driven chapter done. I'm gonna be honest, I had no idea what I wanted to do with this chapter before writing it, and I have my friend and co-author queenofpranking to thank for helping me write it. Also, this marks the introductions of our buddy JJ or James and our occasional guest stars, the Sanders Sides! I hope you guys all loved this chapter and just know I have the next two chapters already planned out, so it shouldn't be long until they're out! Have a wonderful day everyone!  
> -Calibrated_Songbirb


End file.
